


There, The Eyes

by Oakley



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Apocalypse, Castiel-centric, Dead Sam, Depressed Castiel, Fallen Castiel, Found Poetry, Gen, Guns, Human Castiel, Insanity, M/M, Other, Poetry, Protective Dean Winchester, References to Hamlet, References to Shakespeare, attempted suicide, t s eliot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-05
Updated: 2013-07-05
Packaged: 2017-12-17 19:19:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/871084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oakley/pseuds/Oakley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>End-verse. AU-but-not-AU. A closer look on the insides of Cas's scrambled mind. It might develop into more than a one-shot? Darkish. Lots of references. </p><p>Chapter One sort of explores the inside of Castiel's head. Things that might not make sense anymore, but once did. Things he might be trying to make sense of - or use to find his way back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There, The Eyes

 

Somehow it always comes back to the same three things:

_Here we go round the prickly pear, prickly pear, prickly pear_

-You

-The gun

-The end of the world

_Here we go round the prickly pear at five o clock in the morning._

 

I was stopped by the train tracks

the day they found us.  
They stopped me and asked:

_"Name, age, language?"_

I told them my age, they laughed.  
I told them my name, they laughed.  
I politely answered

\- in my native language -

the tongue I preferred.

They told me to get off the drugs  
And gave me a gun.

**< Between the idea>**

[FAST-FORWARD]:

The gun.  
The gun, the bullet, the brains.  
I blew out my brains at the train tracks.

**< And the reality>**

[RESET]:

The gun.  
The gun, the bullet, the head.

[- dark, overgrown strands; unwashed, each ending at a tiny, careless split]  
My finger froze on the trigger when yours

[gently, always so gently]

wrapped around my wrist.

**< Between the motion>**

[RESET]:

The gun.  
The gun, the gun, the gun.  
Oh, the chill of the barrel kissing my temple.  
It wants in, it wants in, it wants in.  
It wants to blow into my brain,

Blow out what it finds on the other side.  
It wants release; I want release.  
It wants, it wants, I want.  
You hit me with a crowbar and-

**< And the act>**

[REWIND]:

I wake up in a white room.

_[Crazy.]_

My eyes are white,

mal-adjusted.

_[I was crazy once.]_

I hate the color white;

almost as much as I hate blue -

the color of the sky.

  
_[They locked me in a room._ ]

The door is locked.

The door is locked.

No, no.

The door can't be locked.

No no no no no no non I ne-  
_O that this too too solid flesh would melt,_  
-ed the gun.  
_Thaw, and resolve itself into a dew_

I need-

_[A rubber room.]_

The door is stuck.

_[With rubber mice.]_

The gun, the gun, the gun.

_[I hate rubber mice.]_

I swallow without spit.

My throat is dry.

You're asleep on the couch.

The gun is underneath the pillow.

_[The cheese. The cheese makes me crazy.]_

You blink.

I blink.

Your eyes are-

  
_Adorations, fertile tears, groans that thunder love, sighs of fire_ -

_[Crazy. I was crazy once.]_

-green, blue, hazel, bursting galaxies of intent;

_[They locked me in a room.]_

-A lightless swamp;

_[I loved that room.]_

The setting of my chosen death,

_Shape without form, shade without colour,  
          Paralyzed force, gesture without motion;_

_[I died in that room.]_

A flicker of resistance surrounded by the milky waters of pale, blue-

_[They buried me where the flowers grew.]_

-Beautiful.

  
_For Thine is_  
_Life is_

_For Thine is the..._

_[The flowers grew up and the roots grew down.]_

You shift, you sigh.  
You roll over. 

I quietly retrieve the gun.

_[A worm tickled my nose.]_

The gun, the gun, the gun...

_[That drove me crazy.]_

The gun, the gun-  
But  _there_ ,  
The eyes...

_[Crazy. I was crazy once...]_

_This is the way the world ends,  
This is the way the world ends,_

**< Falls the Shadow>**

_This is the way the world ends,  
Not with a bang but a whimper._

**Author's Note:**

> References:
> 
> Hamlet's 1st Soliloquy:
> 
> "O that this too too solid flesh would melt,  
> Thaw, and resolve itself into a dew!"
> 
> Twelfth Night:
> 
> "With adorations, fertile tears, with groans that thunder love, with sighs of fire!"
> 
> The Hollow Men by T. S. Eliot:
> 
> "Here we go round the prickly pear, prickly pear, prickly pear  
> Here we go round the prickly pear at five o clock in the morning."
> 
> "Shape without form, shade without colour,  
> Paralyzed force, gesture without motion;"
> 
> "This is the way the world ends,  
> This is the way the world ends,  
> This is the way the world ends,  
> Not with a bang but a whimper."
> 
> "Between the idea  
> And the reality  
> Between the motion  
> And the act  
> Falls the Shadow."
> 
> "For Thine is  
> Life is  
> For Thine is the"
> 
> "Crazy. I was crazy once...":
> 
> "Crazy. I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. With rubber mice. I hate rubber mice. The cheese. The cheese makes me crazy. Crazy. I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. I loved that room. I died in that room. They buried me where the flowers grew. The flowers grew up and the roots grew down. A worm tickled my nose. That drove me crazy. Crazy. I was crazy once..."


End file.
